A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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