sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
