Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize