Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
