all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize