This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
