I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
