Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
