DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I wish there were birth control emojis
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
