HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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