I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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