Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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