Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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