We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
