Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
