Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Success! We fucked roommates!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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