I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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