You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
