my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
