Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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