her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
