i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
