He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
