just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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