I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
