so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
