my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
