so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
