I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
