I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
