you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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