He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
