Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
