Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
