My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
