My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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