Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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