so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
