Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
