need another drink. this is the easiest way
I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
