You made me cry and you don't even care
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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