Rock
Scissors
Fuck
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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