i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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