put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize