Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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