...so i touched it.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
