no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
