Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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