I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize