I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
