He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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