so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
