I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize