I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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