I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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