Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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