I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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