He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
No...this little piggys going to the bar
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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