never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
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