I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
