Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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