omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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