i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
