I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Holy sore nipples Batman
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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